I grew up in the 60’s and 70’s. We were a “traditional” family. Dad worked, mom stayed home, cooked, took care of us kids and the rest of the household needs. I knew I didn’t want my mother’s life/traditions. Being a child, then a teen in that timeline- the 60’s and the 70’s was an era of turmoil and possibilities. I didn’t really know that- I was in Montana and, even though Vietnam was taking lives daily, I really didn’t have a clue. My former marine father didn’t want his little girl to see the evils of war on the evening news. Of course, neither did my mother. So they shielded me from those atrocities. I also didn’t know there was bra burning and the fight for abortion rights. However, unknowingly, I did get the benefit of the women’s rights movement. I went off to college, got a degree, got married and pursued my career. Then had 2 beautiful daughters, now amazing young women.
I don’t have the patience to cook. My mother asked me a few times, what are you going to do when you get married? I said, “my husband is going to cook”. At my bridal shower, every time a kitchen utensil or appliance was opened, she would say “Joe”(not his real name) is really going to like that!” I can make a mean grilled cheese sandwich. But now that I’m trying to be gluten and dairy free that’s about worthless. My husband of nearly 35 years still has some of those utensils and he is an amazing cook. So that is number 1. I never learned to cook.
Since my mother was the lunch lady at my school, she worked during school hours. Therefore, she was still always there for us. She did contribute a small income to our household budget and it bought our first color tv. However, it was not an 8-6 plus grind every professional workday and the occasional weekend. There is a part of me that envies she was able to spend her time with us, guide us, made us feel safe and loved- all the time. I made a much different decision. I worked tenaciously in the juvenile justice system, for decades- impacting countless lives. I lucked out and had the same beautiful person to help our family for the entire time my children were infants to college graduates. They call her grandma, and she is a part of our family. We open gifts Christmas eve together. My daughters are more rounded because of her (she was a bra burner). That’s number 2, I was not a stay-at-home mother, rather I was a working professional woman for over 30 years. I broke a barrier.
Lastly, Sundays. I had to go to Catholic church every Sunday. I learned all the dogma. I learned about God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit and a little about the virgin Mary. When to sit, stand and kneel. I went to CCD, was confirmed and was married in the Catholic Church. My husband and I decided to take a different tact about the values in religion. This was a big deal for my father- I don’t know that he every reconciled that I didn’t raise my children in “the church”. My mother passed before I had children. I don’t think she would not have been so disappointed. My husband and I decided to not be so exclusionary in our approach to spirituality. We taught our children they are to be respectful(not necessarily obedient) of all people, no matter of their religious beliefs, any other beliefs or cultural traditions. That whatever “sins” other people commit, was between them and their God. Sundays in our house were spent together as a family, enjoying life and eating my husband’s amazing pancakes. Our children grew up and now have friends of every color, religion and sexual preference. #3. I didn’t spend my Sundays listening to a sermon dictating how we should act towards self and others in order to pave our path to a heaven. I spent Sundays with my family and teaching respect and love for all. I think that is what God wants- love and respect everyone.
A Traveler's Journey to Blindness 