Rabbit Holes, in the beginning

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My definition of rabbit holes is the following- I go places in my mind that I probably don’t need to because of imaginary or unnecessary fear. 

In my situation though, unless some doctor finds the cure for Macular Degeneration in the next couple years, my vision will decrease to the point that I won’t be able to recognize anything.  Hence, impaired vision is a reality- not a rabbit hole.

Almost immediately after the diagnosis, the rabbit holes I visited were thoughts such as:  I won’t be able to drive- true.  I won’t be able to fly- false. Especially since I have never flown on a broom in the first place, although I think a few of my employees or again my children when they were teenagers might want to argue that point.  The big one- I won’t be able to travel- false.  I am determined that I will be able to travel and experience the world.  What that “looks” like is going to be different than I had planned- that’s all.

The following are a few of the rabbit holes I have gone into and had to climb myself out of about how life will change with Mac D/impaired vision and blindness

How will I- in no particular order of priority:

1. Emotionally deal with not ever having visions or being able to see my family and friends or strangers for that matter
2. Be fashion savvy and color coordinated
   
3. Buy airplane tickets or anything else on my travel agenda
4. Pay the bills or any other day to day chores
5. “See” the world during my travels
6. Differentiate between my vitamins and my medications
7. Not trip over crap I’ve left laying around
8. Find anything

Those tasks and thoughts run through my mind.  There are times I am panic stricken- frozen in fear and terror with tears streaming down my face.  And then, I put my big girl panties on. I realize I still have the good life.  Then I start thinking about what I am going to put into place to make damn sure, I live my life to the fullest in spite of MacD.

I know I will visit these rabbit holes again, and, I will have a running list. Some will need to be dismissed as illogical. Some will be fact and there is nothing I can do about it. However, I’m sure there will be many that I come up with creative ways to solve the no-vision issue, so I can continue to live my good life.

I will return and write about rabbit holes during my blogging journey. I believe that will keep me on task- to be grateful for the vision I have. When I don’t have vision anymore, I will still have things to be grateful for in my life. I will also revisit the 8 above and decide what my solutions are- so stay tuned.

What did you see today?

Janice Ekholt 4/16/19