Me and My Vision

I have always known that vision wasn’t one of my learning styles.  Countless times in my life, my keys, checkbook, you name it,  I couldn’t see it, even when it was right in front of me.  When I retrace my steps- I can’t envision my steps, just how it felt or what I heard. I wonder how many times my mother said to me- “If it was a snake, it would have bit you.” She’s been gone a long time and I can still hear her say it…

When I was a teenage girl, my friends would tell me about that “cutest” pair of jeans or shirt at the local-best in fashion clothing store, going into great detail about the color, shape, blah, blah, blah, closing their eyes and recounting every detail.  I would nod my head politely and smile with their excitement.  Reality was and is, I can’t  do that.  I see nothing, I can’t conjure anything up in my mind.  All I see when I close my eyes is millions of tiny colorful dots dancing and moving, all in disarray.  I count them at night instead of sheep. 

For those that have a visual learning style, this must be terrifying – I concur. I am afraid, terrified, and a whole lot more of those emotions we as humans try to avoid. BUT, I will not bow down to fear.

Interestingly to me, despite being told, that I was “smart”, after 50 some years, I have not realized how reliant I am on my vision- until now. I guess, like so many others, I have taken sight for granted. Racing through life, work, kids- I have taken a lot of things for granted. Vision isn’t one of them anymore.

These last six months have truly given me a new perspective. Everyday I get up and say- Wow, it’s so cool, beautiful, wonderful, a miracle- I can See! I wake up to seeing the love of my life- 30 years and counting, I see the Rocky Mountains from my deck or the bomb snow cyclone- (side note, I think meteorologists got bored and started making up names for just plain old good blizzards). I see family pictures- I love the pictures of my young daughters posing with a dolphin. I see momentos, art, coffee cups, magnets, etc of many of the amazing places I have been honored to “see”.

There have been many times that I go down a rabbit hole. I think it’s human and natural that I have sadness that in the future, I won’t see those momentos or my kids and the love of my life. But, for now, each morning I wake up and I work to have Gratitude, amazement and wonder- curiosity of what else can I see and experience today and in the present moment.

What did you see today?

Janice Ekholt 4/12/19